time is a lover, and i'm caught in her stare

Mentally, this is where I'm at. I am only way too overanxious for the day when I'll be able to stuff my life back into the bag that's been sitting in a dusty corner for months and move on. Not to say that I'm not okay where I am, but just that I'm ready for the next - and as much as it also terrifies me in many ways, I'm just ready.

something to ponder

I recently ran across this in a book. It comes from the journal of a woman named Ella who spent over 50 years working in Africa. It's something that makes me think about the way my mind defaults, which is not really anything like the following:


*Never allow yourself to complain about anything - not even the weather
*Never picture yourself in any other circumstances, or someplace else
*Never compare your lot with another's
*Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise
*Never dwell on tomorrow - remember that [tomorrow] is God's, not ours

This is my backyard where dishes and laundry are washed in the warm, smoky air, under the open sky. This is something I like.

The dog's name is Buddy. He's bilingual because he used to have a Canadian owner, but he only listens to me in Spanish. 

pt I

This is only the first part, because it's not the way the story ends. 

While

time is a cycle of

day in,

day

up-down

(swing, swing pendulum)

turn around

and 

BAM! [she's out again]

not who (maybe)

they thought,

'cause it was

pouring

rain (the kind that never really

stops) and

kills

your tired

head

in the

imploding, exploding

(race to un-decide)

god,

please.

make up your mind.

[I am dying in the eyes]